The downfall of dieting.

I have never been concerned about my weight. This is probably because I've always been able to eat what I like, when I liked. However, about a year ago I had a shock. I won't go into too much detail, suffice to say, as I dried myself after a shower I was horrified to see just how LARGE my stomach had become. It was not the most pleasant of discoveries and it set in motion two new and slightly peculiar behaviours.

Firstly, I began to have to Hold My Tummy In. What? Hello? How did it get to this?

Secondly, I began to watch what I ate. Nothing serious – just saying 'No' to the extra slice of cake, or foresake the pack of crisps etc. Anyway, I'm boring myself here, so I'll cut to the chase: I lost weight – and lots of it. Great, but the loss of weight brought some unexpected problems...

None of my trousers fit. Well, actually that's a lie. All the trousers that I used to wear about 15 years ago (and kept just in case) now fit. Remarkable! Unfortunately they're either all well out of fashion or worn out (why DID I keep them?). So until I can afford to replace all of my trousers, I'm walking around in trousers that are seriously a good few inches too big. These require a belt – but there does come that point when the bunching of the material starts to look rather silly AND belts seem to work with varying degrees of success. This has the unfortunate task of leading to that awfully unsightly 'hitching-up' of the trousers whilst walking. So all round, not a good look.

The second downfall of dieting I only discovered today. Over the last few weeks I have been reading about the Reformation. No seriously, it is actually really very exciting! And as I have an essay to write on the Puritans I have been reading the biography of a bloke called John Bunyan – he was awesome – one of the best preachers of the time. Well, I got so enthused at one point, that I stood up and did a little jig (try not to picture it) – which for some reason involved a vigorous waving of the arms. Where upon my WEDDING RING shot off my finger! Now, that's never happened before. Thankfully I managed to retrieve it before the wife got home, otherwise how could I have explained that? "I'm sorry my love, it just fell off!?!"

So, there you have it; the downfall of dieting is, that not only does the weight fall off – so does everything else. You have been warned.