Mr Grasshead

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce... Mr Grasshead. [Crowd applauds]

He was given to me by my company [Wow, gasp the crowd].

No, I'm afraid I wasn't singled out for this extraordinary privilege – everyone got one. [Ohhh] I'm not entirely sure why they gave all the staff these grass heads – I think it had something to do with Earth Day... [Er?] Indeed.

Mr Grasshead was born about 3 weeks ago and I gave him his first haircut yesterday. And as he was looking particularly dashing this afternoon, I thought now would be a good time to introduce you to him. Say, 'Hi', he doesn't bite.

I'm sure he'll continue to grow into a fine lad – I'll keep you updated. [Hurrah, cry the crowd].